The Romance of France Isn't on Your Phone
True stories of Grindr, ghosting and unexpected romance at our artist residency.
Most people come to our artist residency looking for time to focus on their creative project, while meeting new people and absorbing the culture.
But many also come with romance on their mind!
Films, fiction, and poetry have all been painting France as the most romantic country in the world for many years, so it’s no surprise that our visitors romanticise what life will be like here as a result.
‘Will I be French kissing in France?’
‘Will the locals speak that soft, sexy, rhythmic French, like they do in ‘Amélie’?’
Do you know that film, by the way? It’s a gorgeous one about a shy waitress who decides to help people find happiness and, in the process, she finds a perfect love. If you haven’t seen it, make it your mission! You won’t be disappointed. It’s my go-to film if I’m feeling the need for a bit of love in my life. When I started learning French, I seriously considered learning the film off by heart. But all I would be able to talk about would be lovely things.
That wouldn’t be so bad, would it?
So many of our residents dream of being ‘An American in Paris’ and strolling arm in arm with Pierre, but in the end, they decide that the little town where we live will suffice for their romantic retreat. ‘Paris can wait’.
After all, this is the town where Shakespeare’s ‘Love’s Labour’s Lost’ was set. The play, if you’re not familiar, follows the King of Navarre and his three pals as they attempt to swear off the company of women to focus on study. But, surprise, surprise, temptation gets the better of them pretty darn quickly!
Joanne Harris found inspiration here for ‘Chocolat’ would you believe? Not the wooing element. It was the artisanal chocolaterie where you can see into the kitchen. I regularly remind residents not to be disappointed when Juliette Binoche doesn’t appear from the kitchen to serve them.
Some residents feel the time pressure, so try to hurry the process by opening Grindr or Tinder the minute they arrive.
Both of these apps are indeed a quick way to find others in the area looking for lurve. However, they aren’t necessarily the best way, and while looking down at your phone, you may be missing out on something right before your eyes.
I couldn’t help but feel frustrated recently when we’d offered to take two residents out for a day trip. We were driving through lush green hills, past stunning châteaux, enveloped by sunflower fields, as far as the eye could see under the bluest of cloud-free skies, and I could see him in the rear-view mirror head down, staring at his phone.
The stunning scenery rolling by unnoticed. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe.
France isn’t romantic because someone is waiting on Grindr twenty kilometres away hoping for a quick rendezvous. It’s romantic because you’re driving past vineyards, chatting to locals drinking espressos in cafés, discovering beautiful villages, and getting to know the other talented and fascinating people we have in residence.
Put the bloody phone down and look aboot ye!
Stop obsessing. Swiping. Pacing, head down, like some deranged flamingo hunting a crustacean.
I recall one resident, who was here for a couple of weeks, got to chatting with a guy who lived about half an hour away. They chatted back and forth by text for several days, and each day, he would send her a video of himself walking his dog.
Every evening she’d come and show me another dog-walking video, instead of telling me about her creative work or what she’d discovered that day.
They set a date to meet up in his town.
She’d worked out what buses to take there and back (no easy feat considering there are only four a day!), and started thinking about what to wear.
Then silence. No more replies to her texts. No more videos. No explanation.
Ghosted.
What had she done to change his mind? She got to thinking through all their chats and rewatching his videos to try to work out what had gone wrong.
Hold on a minute! Every time he sent her a video, he was out with the dog. He never sent videos from his home. Always out. Perhaps… just maybe, he did not live alone? Perhaps he was already in a relationship and had just been enjoying the naughty notion of playing away!
Another resident found someone rather too keen.
It was 11.30 at night when the text came down from upstairs to my husband’s phone.
‘Colin, I might need your help! I’ve been chatting to a guy on Tinder and I thought we were planning to meet for a date, so I told him where I was staying. He says he’ll be here in half an hour!!! I’ve told him not to come, but he might just turn up. I really am so sorry!’
After a nervous hour and a later bedtime than planned, we finally gave up waiting, relieved that he hadn’t just turned up for an awkward rejection.
I’m not saying I expect them all to behave like the King of Navarre and his companions and commit to celibacy for the duration. Of course, they can have some fun at the same time as they create new artworks or edit their novel. In fact, perhaps a quicky would be just the ticket if they’re here for inspiration for their love poems.
All I suggest is that they look closer to ‘home’.
Just off the top of my head, I can think of half a dozen residents who found ‘romance’ in this town without the need for Tinder or Grindr. Most were indeed a quick bunk up, but a couple lasted beyond the end of the residency. (I believe one of these is still going, four years later!)
And then there’s the story of the resident who crossed a line so badly I had to kick them out into the street one dark night.
But the story of ‘the worst resident’ is a romance tale for another Sunday.
Photos: Colin Usher
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I don’t think I saw the chocolate shop either or knew about it!! How cool 🩷
How did I miss the chocolate shop? I must see it on my next stay! I love Nérac, beautiful, peaceful, walkable, and not another American tourist in sight.